24th July 2020

2.4 Being There

It is mid-autumn, on the east coast. The sun has just crept over the horizon and fought off the invading night time from its territory. Night has left its minion behind to cover its retreat for a little longer. Smothered angry sand soldiers struggle in their frost prison. Behind the beach in the peaceful eddy daylights own minion the dog splashes in the ankle-high muddy water, winning his fight with the thin sheet of ice night had left, barking his triumphant joy proudly. Another force is at play. Unable to decide between her two favorite sons nature has sent her own minions to join the fray. Legions of cold air attack in swift bursts. Great whips of rain lash down from above.    

Look. There is natures greatest ally. Rising up. Crashing Down. Foaming at the mouth. Repeating. Performing one of Nature’s most violent and deadliest war dances. Daylight attempts to fight this mighty foe but her rays can only penetrate a few centimeters into its Herculean body. Below that the Ocean remains a dark blue almost as dark as the still receding nighttime.   

It is too early. Humanity has barely made its mark on this savage battle. Most living things reside hidden away like children when their parents fight. One boy stands on the small dunes. Thick black suit covering him, leaving his hand’s feet and head exposed. His protection against the contest raging around him. Nature doubles her efforts. Thunderclaps echo every time an imposing wave pitches down onto the taunt sea. The air howls. Harsh whips of rain lash down from the clouds. The tussocks that line the dunes are scared now. Even the mighty pine trees that fringe the beach area yield to mother nature.

Smell, the scent of fear, the stink of the sea mixed with a whiff of the men who stayed up all night with the pleasure of their Sweet Mary-Jane. The tinge of board wax and coffee stuck to the 5’8 Hypto Krypto are the one reminder the boy carries with him from his safe home.  

Listen, the deep thrum of the waves is grabbed by the wind and thrown all around you. Constant noise engulfs the beach. Barely after leaving his lips the boy’s shout is carried away and lost in the tumultuous sound. The very fabric of noise is torn apart. Individual sounds no longer make sense but are lost in a sea of catastrophic din.

And then you start the walk down over the still frozen sand to your enemy. The battle between night and day is over. Days fickle red fingers are now grasping her sky. Your fight is yet to come. Up ahead the ocean has not slowed her war dance and you know she never will. Flimsy board under your body, you begin to paddle. Out towards the crashing jaws of destruction. Over the mountains of heaving water. In the near future school awaits you. Fingers crossed nature relents on you today and you spend a fun hour in peace and harmony, enjoying her majestic creation together.

Quite nice

Join the conversation! 1 Comment

  1. Hey Dylan,

    Well done on making good progress with this piece. It is great to see you using your time wisely!

    A few things you can consider:

    – Think about your sentence structures and starters. At the moment, you are often opening sentences with the subject of that sentence and this means that there is a listed feeling to this piece at times. Look to develop that flow by varying the part of speech that you open with. Also, consider the role of sentence length in developing the atmosphere of your piece.

    – There are a few things that are almost too abstract for your reader to gain a clear understanding of. Make sure that there is enough detail in your metaphors so that your reader knows exactly what it applies to.

    – There are moments when you have created strong, rich imagery and then others when you have used quite simplistic language. Look to develop consistency with your choices and consider how language (and its connotations) can work together with your figurative devices to develop not only the physical description of the scene but also the atmosphere. – Make use of figurative devices such as metaphor and personification.

    During those final stages, make time to read your work out loud to yourself. Be sure to edit this work carefully. Check that your spelling, grammar and punctuation are all accurate.

    Mrs P

    Reply

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